Tell her she can't have a vagina
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
