Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
