I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's never too late to be topless.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
