Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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