I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
