GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
