This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
