this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
