Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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