he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
