This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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