How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
