I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
