then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
