The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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