I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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