last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
