We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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