Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm always down for nudity.
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