I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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