she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
