I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
