you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
