So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
