well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm both gender and math confused
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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