Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
