I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Rumble strips road head = magical
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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