Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
