im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
