My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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