yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
