there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my being single is dangerous.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
