as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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