But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
