Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
