I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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