He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
