I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
