i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
