$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
