I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want her autograph on my taint
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Never underestimate the power of titties
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
