Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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