"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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