That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
