I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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