youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
