Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
