$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
