I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
