Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
