I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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