i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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