dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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