I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
